Because you can't handle the truth. We live in an odd world these days, and no day goes by without something contradictory happening. Or double standards occurring. The sheer lunacy of it all. Pointed out to you by yours truly. Enter the LoongTao!

Monday, January 23, 2006

Ask & You Shall Receive

Captain Kirk writes: What bothers me the most about the allocation of space is when people do not properly allocate that space based on historical data? Take for instance our refrigerator at work. It is stocked with all different types of Soda (Coke, Diet Coke, Root Beer, Etc.). Based on historical date, the company consumes approximately 48 Diet Coke a day; however, the space allocated to the refrigerator is only about 20%. Since Diet Coke is the prominent soda being consumed, shouldn’t it be allocated more space than the current 20%? If historical allocation data points to a level more like 30-40%, shouldn’t Diet Coke get the proper allocations of space in the refrigerator?

The title of this one does not mean this space cadet will get what he wants; it's more like "he's just asking for it from yours truly". So in the best interest of all my readers, let's give it to him, shall we?

First of all, if you've read a recent post of mine, and if you didn't, you should have, stop now and go back and read them. Historical data is history, people. So all the points the captain is making, is moot.

Second, when you are talking about consumption, you are talking about a variable. Usage is a variable. It changes. So that rules out all historical data in and of itself. Besides, our friendly space cadet does not realize that it isn't 48, but 36 cans a day. And not everyday. Question: if you stock 36 cans one day, and there are at least one can still there the next day, does that not mean the allocation is correct? Thank you. (There's always at least a six-pack leftover anyway, bonehead.)

Standard inventory maintenance techniques are in play here, folks. This is my job. It's what I do. I'm a specialist. If all the sodas disappear one day, sure, one would think, yes, more allocation. Sure thing, blind man. Tunnel vision. Wake up. One day a pattern does not make. All it takes is one meeting in the conference room to clear out the fridge.

Nooo, it takes a highly-trained eye with acute observation skills to monitor consumption habits. If all disappeared on a regular basis, then yes, allocation goes up. It only takes a week to figure it out. And that hasn't happened yet. Besides, the captain messed up because now I'll be wathing to see if more disappear in order to up the allocation, in which case, you're out of luck, cuz it ain't going up.

All this from someone who drinks a sixpack of this stuff, everyday. No wonder when I arrive in the morning, he's crawling up the side of the wall to get a closer look at the second-hand on the clock. Maybe he's trying to figure out why it's moving and the other two aren't.

Besides, everyone should consider themselves lucky I move the cold ones up front instead of throwing them on the shelf so you have to go to the back to get a cold one.

In space, no one can hear you think.


I think not. And here's why.

Ever stand around talking to someone, or pass someone who stops, but you turnaround to talk but continue to walk slowly, backwards? Ever bump into someone accidently, and have to excuse yourself and/or apologize? Yup. Happens to everyone. Happens all the time. But now, fuhgetabouttid.

It just happened to me and the old lady gave me this dirty look. Even after I said "excuse me". Not anymore. As I see it, you owe me an "excuse me" or an apology. Excuse me? Excuse you. Yes, you're right. I wasn't watching where I was going. Yes, I'll be more careful next time. But what's your excuse. You were watching where you were going. You saw me cxoming. Yet you didn't move. You allowed me to bump into you. Better yet, you bumped me, when you could have avoided it.

See, I bumped you accidentally. You bumped me on purpose. You had an option to shift directions to avoid the bump, yet you thought you'd teach me a lesson by not moving. I've got news for you. The next time someone bumps me, I'm not saying shit. And if someone says anything, well, it'll be the last time you don't move when I'm verbally done with you.

So, people, the next time someone isn't watching where they are going, shift directions and avoid the bumps. You're just asking for trouble if you want to teach someone a lesson yourself, for nut watching where they were going.